A Bathing Jersey Shore

bape tee

Finally, the perfect hook-up for your Bape flip-flops. And given that BAPE has become the official brand of street-cultured frat boys everywhere, we’re sure that this look of not wearing a tee but wearing a tee will be a hit. 

And if you need the co-sign, just look at Pharrell:

pharrell

Source: Frank and Jan

We’re All in the Same Sag

If clothes make the man, do tight clothes make the man a homosexual? A Brooklyn-based rap group thinks the current trend in hip-hop—medium tees and sagging jeans cinched tightly below the hips—is causing some confusion. And they are not alone.

- Village Voice

Or “The Brotherhood of the Traveling Sag.”

It has recently come to our attention that there’s a war brewing between traditional saggers and the new crop of tight saggers.

In an effort to promote peace between the two factions of denim denizens,, Satchel of Gravel would like to remind all of you, from the nut crushing-to- point-of-sterility after two wears aficionados, to the swimming in their gaudy-over-logoed back pocket faux-Japanese six sizes too big pants, that we’re all in the same sag.

It’ll be a beautiful day in hip-hop when Ninjasonik and Thug Slaughter Force can rock the same stage.

“No Tight Clothes”

And just when you thought hip-hop was dead…

Thug Slaughter Force, FTW.

Thanks Chris

Buy Now!

bapesta sandals

Let your toes breathe with these Pharrell co-signed, BapeSta summer sandals. They come in three colorways to keep your feet cool during the summer. $109

- Daily Drop

Yes, we’ve all been slacking on our posting, but really it’s shit like this that makes us want to pack it up. Kids, we’ve lost. George Carlin is dead, Pharrel makes rock music (ha!) and Soulja Boy’s a fashion icon.

Dem Franchize Boyz were right,”Yup, in my white tee.”

But really, I’m not sure what’s worse here.

The fact that Nigo has the audacity to release Kmart flip–flops with his Kmart designs and hawk them for $109, or the fact that an affiliate marketing portal posing as a “lifestyle blog” actually co-signed them because Pharrell co-signed them.

And to answer this question, the answer is a stern “No.”

Thanks to Jack for the heads up.

Image: Daily Drop

I smell a Coon.

“Let’s hear it, one for the coons on UPN 9 and WB
Who ‘Yes Massa’ on TV, what ever happened to Wheezy? The Red Fox’s?
Never got Emmy’s but were real to me
Let’s hear it, two for the spooks who do cartwheels
‘Cause they said they played they parts well
Now they claim caviar, hate that oxtail
Lambda Sigma Phi badge on lapel
Whitey always tell him, “Ooh, he speak so well”
Are you the one we look to, the decent Negro?
The acceptable Negro — hell nah
But they say, ‘These are our heroes’ “

So you name your album N.I.G.G.E.R. and tell the whole world. You start to rock tees and hats with your wifey at award shows promoting your album. Make a big F–kin’ deal about it. Battle reporters, talk lots of smack in the process.

The rap industry has your back, your peers have your back, black people everywhere have your back, then what do you do?

You pussy out and change the name of the album, then go and pull one of the biggest sellout moves with this homo-hop spread in the upcoming issue of Complex.

Hey Nas, when’d you get that battery in your back?

Hipster Grimace

My original caption was something along the lines of “This is too easy” but I thought it would leave our 5 readers un satisfied attempting to draw their own conclusions. Thus i’ve decided to expand on the post with some obvious *ish.

Who told Chris Brown to start shopping at Baby Gap Evisu. So hanging on tour with skateboard P got you slimming your clothing down but unless you’re eating less, your still a big boy.

With all the trust fund babies hipsters rocking jeans meant for 8yr olds, Chris Brown decided to try and innovate with just the opposite, zip hoodies made for 8yr olds.

Then again, maybe is just because Evisu sizing from Canal St. isn’t the same as it is in Japanese.

Performance or Pyrotechnics?

spinal tap

By all accounts, and probably for the fact that we’ve called out various “top shelf” (not out words) streetwear brands whose penchant for recycling other peoples logos and become masters of creating brands from Google images, we’ve been labeled haters.

Ha.

Now I can see how one would make the mistake, given that everyone one the Internets is mad about about something or other, whether it be Lil Wayne not being crowned the best rapper ever or that there hasn’t been a good sneaker release since…

I just read this article over at XXLmag.Com about Kanye’s show not delivering during his Philly stop. Scroll down low and behold, the comments automaticially label the writer, a yup-you guessed it, a hater.

*Cues up Maino instrumental for rest of entry*

Seems like anytime one derives from the popular opinion-in this case “Kanye’s the best hip-hop artist in the planet”- the automatic assumption is that person’s a hater, be s/he are going against the grain and not conforming to popular opinion, which is pretty funny considering Kanye’s success is largely due to people conforming to popular opinion.

But that’s a whole other topic and I’d wouldn’t want to have the interns who write his blog send us hate mail.

I guess the whole crux of the arguement boils down to what makes a good show?

Flashing lights and lasers are pretty much smoke and mirrors at the end of the day, much like applying autotune to every R+B song has really made that genre Rap and Bullshit. If explosions and things going off determined the awesomeness of a show, then Spinal Tap would be the best band in the world.

But when it comes to rap music, the connectivity between audience and artist is the best selling point, kind of like how Wu-Tang Clan’s last album caught a brick but their shows always sell out. One of the best performances I ever saw Nas do was the instore at Rehab Projects in LA. He just asked people what songs they wanted to hear and then had a Q & A session with the audience. It was like request line, but with Nas.

Marinate on that for a bit.Or maybe it’s a case of not being a good performer?

(Pause, I suppose)

If you need all that over the top flare to sell a performance, maybe it’s the case of Kanye, not being able to perform a good stage show and heads being too wrapped up in the hype to say otherwise?

Walk with me, I’m not being a hater, just waxing poetic for a minute.

Think back to the illest live performances you’ve ever see what you took away more - the performance or the pyrotechnics?

Check Out My Melody

It’s been a long time, we shouldn’t have left you without some dope satire to chuckle too.

Stop the presses.

Our keyboard flow is tighter than the sags at a Cool Kids show. And best believe if we dropped a medicore EP and were biting Rakim’s ‘87 flow, Satchel of Gravel would do better numbers than 4,300 in first week sales. On some The Price is Right shit, we’d do 4,301.

In any event, here’s some shit we wrote that we never hit the publish button on because it sounded funny in our heads, but not so much on paper, er the computer screen.

1. Murs adds letter E to name, to become Murse, the first rapper handbag.(That one never got much further than that. We just thought it would be funny to say that Slug would literally be carrying Murs for the next Felt album).

2. Lil’ Wayne officially declared first retarded rapper with a record deal. After hearing the leaked Carter III album, doctors at the Mayo Clinic have determined that Lil’ Wayne is in fact clinically retarded. Wayne nor his father, Baby, were available for comment. Fans are devestated and are taking a vow of retardecy to show support for the rapper.

3. Restaurants outlaw taking pictures inside establishments, The Hundreds have nothing to blog about.

4. Hypebeast sues Satchel of Gravel for making fun of their music reviews. Satchel of Gravel responds with countersuit citing that Hypebeast shouldn’t be reviewing music.

Got my mack back now that I got my Mac back.